JP wrote a very eloquent post that very well mirrors my own thoughts and reactions to getting pulled out of Honduras.
People join the Peace Corps for many reasons; to save the world, to find themselves, to travel, or just to do something of purpose. I came to Honduras wanting to learn how to become a part of a community very different from what I’ve known and I wanted to do something that could help that community in some substantial way. As I look back on similar past experiences, especially the international ones, I find that I have always left them feeling like I have received more than I have given. And this time is no exception.
I am sure that to some extent I have helped the people in my community. Perhaps not in some monumental way and who knows if anything I have done will have a lasting affect. I do know, however, that I learned how to integrate into my community and the results of that lesson yield an enormous award that I hope to truly earn someday.
One person here, who is like a dear uncle to me, once told me that what he wanted for me was to fall in love; to experience the sweet craziness, the childishness, even the pain that is losing yourself in the love of another person. That didn’t quite happen for me, but in some respect I think I found something greater. I fell in love with an entire family here. Just like I owe my own family everything for my growth and success in life, I owe my family here everything for my growth and success this past year. Language, security, integration, work, play – everything came through them and the foundation they provided for me here. I don’t know how I came to be so blessed as to have two loving and supportive families, but it is a gift I deeply appreciate.
It is a shame that my Peace Corps experience appears to be ending this way, so suddenly and uncertainly. In my search for relief from the stress of this situation I came across this quote that is very poignant:
“I wanted a perfect ending… Now, I’ve learned the hard way that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” (Gilda Radnor)
So 2012, I deem you the year of “Delicious Ambiguity,” whatever that’s supposed to mean…
Lord knows I didn’t find that ‘traditional’ love here…ama de casa my ass! However, I know exactly what you mean about falling in love with your family. For me it was my first host family from the Zarabanda region and my dear friends here in site. This is by far the most heartbroken I’ve ever been in my life. I never knew leaving everything else behind that I also loved so dearly would open me up to another great love. I hope there’s a flaw in that Sex and the City theory that it takes half the time of the relationship to get over it. I can’t imagine feeling this way for the whole next year! ::Hugs:: and see you soon
Thank you for some sanity. Its was hard to read the posts about “my house this, my house that”. PCV life is not about house decorating, its about service.
I love you Amanda. Welcome home! Mi casa; Su casa.